Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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