so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
