I can't breathe out the right side of my face
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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