i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
