im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
