The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
