So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
