Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
