I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
