mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
