Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
