Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
