my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize