You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
