take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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