Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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