Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
