If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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