so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
