I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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