So drunk its hurt
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
