i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
