He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
