I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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