What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
