Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
