She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
