she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
my nose is crying tears of wow.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
