just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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