Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
