i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
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I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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