And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
