First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
