You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
