Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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