So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
