why didn't you poke me back
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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