like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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