Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
