I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize