I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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