Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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