she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
