your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
