Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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