hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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