Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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