im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize