i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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