Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize