I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize