Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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