Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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