Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
