She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
