i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
