just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
