I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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