I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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