I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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