We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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